Peace and Dignity

What have i left to give to this world
But my sadness, fear and insecurities?
And my fake smiles, and my fake laughs?
For i am not worth a second, nor a thought.

Do i not have the right to seek in death,
What life has so long denied of me?
Grant me this last selfish act,
And i will consume no more of this world.

-----
2015-08-26 1041H
@sg

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A World of Clowns

clowns. what do they represent? --- clowns have always been scary for me. i don't really have any bad experiences with them when i was younger. quite frankly, i never really have that much chance to meet them. yet, i can still get terrified with them. subconsiously, it might not be how they look like or how they act that scares me. it's what they represent. --- when you see a clown, you see exaggerated features of happy or sad faces. to most children both the sad and happy clowns are still funny. the faces clearly express their intended emotion. the really pale makeup excessively enhances the already large smiling or pouting lips and subtly hides the eyes. it is a mask. the clown wears a mask that hides the true disposition of the person. the clown may look happy or sad but you have no idea what he might be feeling. quite an effective mask. it is, however, a different kind of mask. for other masks just hides the face and the emotions behind. they are mostly ne...

If It is Alright

For as long as i can remember, i have always been afraid of people, of change and of life in general. If i could have hidden from everyone and died off from the eyes of the world, i would have. Everything around me seemed like a threat to my being. With no apparent reason, my surroundings felt like a kaleidoscope of colors with ulterior motives bent on hurting me. I never felt comfortable. Despite all of that, i have led my life as if things were okay, as if my fears did not matter. So, i tried. Through all the days that never seem to end, i have grown tired, exhausted from pretending i was fine, all spent from hoping things will turn normal. I have not changed, not at all. Things are exactly as i remember them when i was younger, the exact same way that i used to see them. All my efforts and hopes to live in a world where i do not have to fear tomorrow have never managed a dent from my idiosyncrasy. Maybe i was never really mea...

Ordinarily Broken

Feeling so ordinarily wide awake at 3 am. Staring at the ceiling, waiting for things to fade. When it seems to be the only thing that i could do, As all my uncertainties become surrender. My world falls apart, and i'm left crawling. But this is not something i can talk about. While it all seemed so simple and dull, It was never easy staying here somehow. The same signs at each turn of every road, Like a silly game of catching the same lie. And when the night pulls over its blanket, I scream mad at the hollow of my life. I know i need to tell you what this is about, Why the stir in my faceted demeanor, Especially when i laughed at my own joke, But maybe you don't really need to know. I tend to my own wounds marked for nothing, Ordinarily caught up in a moment of sorrow. And i close the windows to never let you see, A face that was both broken and defeated by fate. ----- 2016-09-20 @sg

The Strange Cup