The Strange Cup

For as long as i can remember, i have always been afraid of people, of change and of life in general. If i could have hidden from everyone and died off from the eyes of the world, i would have. Everything around me seemed like a threat to my being. With no apparent reason, my surroundings felt like a kaleidoscope of colors with ulterior motives bent on hurting me. I never felt comfortable. Despite all of that, i have led my life as if things were okay, as if my fears did not matter.   So, i tried.   Through all the days that never seem to end, i have grown tired, exhausted from pretending i was fine,    all spent from hoping things will turn normal.   I have not changed, not at all. Things are exactly as i remember them when i was younger, the exact same   way that i used to see them. All my efforts and hopes to live in a world where i do not have to fear tomorrow have never managed a dent from my idiosyncrasy. Maybe i was never really mea...

I have always felt alone. No matter how many friends and family i surround myself with, at the end of the day, when i close my eyes, i feel the loneliness. It feels like a sickness that never left my system. There is no cure, only relief from pain that never really last. There is this missing piece that forms a hollow in my chest. I know that it can only be filled up by people but there seem to be no one in this world who would fit in. I also know that I can go on searching yet never find that anything that would satiate this void. A hopeless case. For a long time, i have questioned my fate. Questioned it as if getting the answers would change it. In all my efforts, i have come to the realization that there needs no reason nor purpose for my predicament. Loneliness is really just a part of who i am, perhaps of everyone. It is no more rare than happiness, or sadness or anger or hope. It cannot be cured for it is not an ailment. Maybe it is simply that i am more sensitive to it...

clowns. what do they represent? --- clowns have always been scary for me. i don't really have any bad experiences with them when i was younger. quite frankly, i never really have that much chance to meet them. yet, i can still get terrified with them. subconsiously, it might not be how they look like or how they act that scares me. it's what they represent. --- when you see a clown, you see exaggerated features of happy or sad faces. to most children both the sad and happy clowns are still funny. the faces clearly express their intended emotion. the really pale makeup excessively enhances the already large smiling or pouting lips and subtly hides the eyes. it is a mask. the clown wears a mask that hides the true disposition of the person. the clown may look happy or sad but you have no idea what he might be feeling. quite an effective mask. it is, however, a different kind of mask. for other masks just hides the face and the emotions behind. they are mostly ne...

On the day of hearts, when love seemed drunk with passion, lonely hearts gets lonelier. It is like a double-edged sword that could pierce straight through the heart. No matter how much some would insist that it is just like any other day, with a lot of people acting differently and the sheer amount of publicity – this is definitely not just an ordinary day. It’s a day that most people celebrate their love and luck at finding their partners. The way they ‘found’ each other is probably as varied as the number of stars that litter the sky tonight. And with how many factors that could be attributed to these meetings, it is mostly due to luck. Or, to make the description better (although equally as vague), it is mostly due to chance. It’s probably just a waste of time trying to answer the questions how and why one finds a match in this world. By the time that is answered, we probably have found the answers to the many other unanswered questions about life. Even so, there are still ...

Life is full of twists and turns, with too much change and too little permanence, and too unpredictable. Just when you thought you’ve figured it all out, the world turns upside down. Just when you’ve readied yourself for changes about to come, it settles down and quiets itself. It makes planning your life both skill and luck. What makes living in this world quite interesting is that even if you don’t have any choice where and how you start out, you’ll never be quite sure where you’ll end up. No one, obviously, had any choice whose parents they will be born from. You weren’t allowed to choose which country to be born at, or what time or which conditions. We were just brought here, into this world by some universal scheme that could be attributed to combination of exchange of genes, chance encounters, long-winded decisions; and for some people, divine intervention. Whether you want it or not, or whether it was due to some accidental online dating or arranged marriage, you were b...

Being the humans that we are, we all have flaws. No matter how much some of us might deny it, our characters are littered with shortcomings – some more outstanding than others. It is quite okay to point them out in the hopes of mitigating them, but there is always the right time, venue and way to do it. It’s a wonder though, that there are still some of us that do not understand or at least employ this idea. Isn’t this a standard part in educated human interaction? Criticism is simply not part of those human attributes that we are good at expressing or delivering. In itself, criticism is a neutral thing. Take way aspects of ulterior motives, emotional implications and improper interaction: pointing someone’s flaws is a vital part of our daily lives. The only problem is, we’re never objective beings to begin with and often we find ourselves victim to social and behavioral innuendos. This problem of not knowing when, where and how to point out something whether good or bad to a ...

What makes life so complicated also makes it meaningful. In the endless count of dualities in nature, the human heart seems to be the most perplexing. We own both the simplicity and the complexity that sustain and drain our very lives. Our behavioral and emotional capacities are vicariously being indicated in that small organ that beats between our chests – summarizing every other reactions or lack of it in a series of pulses. It seems to represent the very center of our being. So what does the human heart represent? Love. This is the first and foremost aspect of humanity that is symbolized by that ever-recognizable red-colored icon. To most, it defines us the most. So, unlike the other existence in this world that is attributed to survival – we pride ourselves with something eternal: something that only we can experience. It gives us both compassion towards others, and inspiration to continue living whether the outlook seem bright or bleak. This is the sweetest thing in l...

Don’t let money control your life. That’s one of the foremost rules in life. The ‘money’ referred to here used to just mean wealth. The rule says that no one should be so engrossed with gaining wealth that he neglects anything else in life – the more important things in life. The times have changed so much, though. Nowadays, the ‘more important things in life’ is so dependent on how much monetary worth you have. It sounds really harsh, but looking at how we live now, that’s how it seems to work. The quality of your life depends on how much money you earn. Unless you live in a secluded place, untouched by urbanization and the modern life, that how much important your earnings are. If you don’t have a lot, you don’t have a ‘quality’ in your life. And, by quality it means spending happy and loving moments with your family, having good friends and being able to help others. All of those mentioned are part of the core ‘important things in life’. If you don’t have a lot, you...

Immortality. Such a heavy word.  What could a mortal possibly understand about such a heavy concept, except maybe from an outsider’s point of view? Not surprisingly though, this isn’t something that is new. Quite the contrary, it is probably as old as when the first civilization started to look up to the stars and decided they will forever remain there- eternal light that would never dim and fade out of existence. The heavens were symbols of immortality and probably the basis of the concept. It is something that is both everlasting and quite beyond our reach. We now know that these stars and the rest of the universe have a lifespan of their own. Even the brightest and oldest of light that twinkle at night would find its time to burn and die out. Even the mighty sun that has brought light to our world since time immemorial will lose its spark and succumb to the very darkness that is it’s opposite. It seems that everything has its end, a final step towards nothingnes...

What is this recent obsession on reality TV shows these days all about? From the surviving in a deserted island, to singing or dancing live in front of an audience, to racing or travelling to places, even down to cooking, modeling or eating gross things, people seem to be infatuated with the shows main theme. There would be a bunch of people from all walks of life trying to win the title of being number one and of course the proverbial cash price, all the while being watched by millions across international borders. Sometimes we vote, sometimes we just watch as the judges both humiliate and admire the participants. This is now the main factor behind most successful competition anchored in multimedia gateways like TV, the internet and mobile gadgets. The original formula of these types of shows seems to have worked up a storm that until now has not receded. We are still caught up in it. Do we really enjoy watching people bare their personality out regardless if it is ugly or ...

We haven’t changed even after several millennia from when we first started calling ourselves civilized. We’re still roughly the same old primates that are only slightly evolved than the domesticated dog. We’re still the same physical, visual creatures that depend on how something or someone looks like, no matter how much we insist that we don’t. It’s probably some gene we haven’t been able to evolve out of just yet. Why do people still put such a high premium on the physical beauty? I thought we’re already past that stage in human history. Every bit of thing that surrounds me now, proves otherwise. Let’s start with the type of people that litter the streets. All of them would either come from just two categories: the physically beautiful, and those trying hard to be physically beautiful. We have those who are born with charismatic features, clear skin, pretty faces, magazine-inspired physique (should it be the other way around). On the other hand, we have the opposites or the ‘a...

Life tends to go awry in ways that give a whole new meaning to 'the unexpected'. When everyday seems to be a roller-coaster ride or quite the opposite: a boring mono-rail, lacking of change when it's best not to hold your breath. Somewhere or nowhere, you'll eventually get there. Expectations don't matter. Well, that's what i've been telling myself for sometime now. whether i act or not, wished it or not, even, dream of it or not - life would always continue on. No expectation can ever guarantee change nor the outcome. What's the point of having them, then? Often, they give us direction and boosts our will. Is it something negative? And, something that should be avoided instead? I don't know, but answering that is quite moot if you have them regardless. There are just somethings that are intrinsic to us (for me at least). Expectations sure are one of those. I often have them, maybe because of the way i grew up or the influences around ...

sometimes i wish that the world would just change drastically. sometimes it just feels like there's not enough room for the potential to truly grow in this world. it's too constricting and restricting. my head feels it's about to burst from all my imaginings. yet it is always at the brink, never really breaching the edge. there are ways to turn all those that i see in my mind and even share them to the world but they will always be poor representations of the universe that i can barely experience. they will always be bound by the laws of nature, physics, society, time and even simply of age. it might just be me feeling older today yet realizing how much more i wish to experience in reality - that just do not exist. they are all in my head, and most of them would just remain there. it is frustrating that they would stay only as day dreams, never given a chance to fully manifest themselves in this world simply because they are too fantastic or too surreal. so unlike th...

Wisdom doesn’t always come with age. That, we sure know of. However, shouldn’t one at least gain some maturity and knowledge over years of experiences? Unless, one was locked in a twilight zone of where there is only recursive and mundane, factory-work like series of events – no one can escape change. With that change, comes growth and learning. Of course, it doesn’t always mean betterment in our personality but at least the knowledge of what should be better comes to us. Our survival instinct assures that. It’s in our genes to absorb and learn from the stimuli around us. Reacting properly though,  is a different thing. It is like throwing a piece of stone in a pond of water. The water may react violently, or calmly produce ripples. No matter what happens, the stone will forever be part of the pond. There’s no denying that whatever me may go through or however we may behave based on those events, we always gain something. Big or small, it is definitely not non-existent...

How difficult is it to lead? Whether they are born or trained, how do they know the ins and outs of encouraging people to follow a certain direction? It might be difficult or easy but where do they base what to do? The skills certainly did don’t just pop out of nowhere. It has to come from somewhere. Whether it is from confidence, from training, or from experience – it determines how well one can impose a unity. It’s pretty amazing how one is able to meet with a group of people with varied opinions and personalities yet still be able to either inspire or enforce a single direction. These leaders can reach beyond the boundaries that separate each individual in a group and trigger teamwork. Of course it is easier to do when the group has similar personalities and goals to begin with. However, even with a group of such similar individuals – differences and conflicts could still arise. No two human is exactly the same after all. A minor difference could cascade into something ...

Idle moments are precious little gifts that used to come with coffee on a beautiful Sunday morning. Nowadays, they are sold separately: coffee being the cheaper more accessible one. These moments are commodities that have become rare over the past few years, not out of too much consumption but of disregard. There are just too many things to be concerned about and to be part of that people tend to forget the simple pleasures in life. This is not pushing aside all the good and progressive things that has come our way, but life needs a break every once in a while. Idle moments are the respite from the fast changing world when we can relax and think things through. They are a breath of fresh air that we so deserve and need. These moments aren’t the 15-minute coffee breaks that we have every afternoon. These don’t necessarily coincide with the one-month out of the country vacation that we’ve planned for since last year. It’s just not about the length of time spent away from wor...

Life seems to move so fast now. I don’t know if age has something to do with it but that probably plays a minute role. Technology has changed the way people live their lives and how they interact with each other. It’s not just rampant social networking sites, or the vernacular mobile phones and the all-encompassing multimedia internet. It’s also about the way we think, how we travel, what we eat and drink, how we go through our daily lives and what we think of the future and how we deal with today. It all seems as if the way things were from a decade ago was from a completely different era and a different generation of men. It was when the internet was fairly young, when mobile phones weren’t so common and when there weren’t a lot of coffee shops around. It’s not that life were simpler then, it was already fast-paced but this time everything seems to change and move light years ahead. The things that people used to do in a few years, they seem to be doing in a few months. Take f...

Sitting alone at a table on a coffee shop that’s filled with people i didn't know, my thoughts begun to wander. These are the times when one’s thoughts speak louder than any other voice there is. These are the times when one can listen to them, a time off against the craziness of the world that surrounds him. A breather, and quite appropriately, a coffee break from life itself. Though essential, these moments seem to get harder and harder to come by. They seem so precious now and too short lived. I wonder when I would get the same number of chances that i had when I was younger. Oh well, that’s another road I’d rather not go down to as it is too nostalgic. I wonder if others are also feeling this same sentiment. I try to look at the many unknown faces sitting just like me and those that walk pass by. They are a mix of varied characters, of different ages and different statures, painted in different lines of emotions and thoughts. Some of these faces would exemplify wis...