The Strange Cup

so i tried to cut myself again. how many times have i done this? well, i couldn't finish it. either the razor is not sharp enough or i'm just too scared of the pain. it's probably the latter. after crying for sometime, i started to laugh at myself for not being able just get this done. nothing would really change, i have already made my decision. what i don't understand is, why i keep on delaying it. i don't want to hurt anyone and i don't want to hurt anymore. my life doesn't seem so bad. i don't feel bad, not at all. actually, i feel blessed and well loved. and, i am grateful for all that. however, that all means nothing. it never did. there's just nothing within or without me that makes me feel that i should keep on doing this. whether i experience new things or meet new people - it would all feel pointless. so everyday, i ask myself, why stay? why am i still here? Perhaps the only reason why i haven't killed myself yet is t...

These past few months have been quite tough for me. Typically, i would often write about it. So, i was back to my journals and my keyboard. Of course, i keep them private but like the many instances before it, i wanted to once again, share it with someone. anyone. More accurately, anyone who would bother. So, i have decided to post most of what i've written in this blog. I figured i'd create a post for each composition and schedule their publish at a regular intervals. Really thankful for this blog feature. That way, my post would continue to show up even when i have stopped making them. This blog would have most of what i got so far. Even those that i've posted before (myalmostdepression blog - that one is dead anyway). I don't know if i really need to put this but here it goes: please credit properly if you need to use part of what i've written here. a link or a mention would be nice. Anyway, i hope something good will come out of this.

So why did i choose the title of this blog? The thing is, i don't have any special reason. No deeper meaning behind those words. No symbolism that hides some special experience. I was just having coffee with a friend one Sunday afternoon. That day i was running words in my head to use as a title for a new blog. I practically used up all the word combinations of the things that i saw at that cafe, and they were all unavailable. Then this certain combination came up. And that is how we got here.