The Strange Cup

Feeling so ordinarily wide awake at 3 am. Staring at the ceiling, waiting for things to fade. When it seems to be the only thing that i could do, As all my uncertainties become surrender. My world falls apart, and i'm left crawling. But this is not something i can talk about. While it all seemed so simple and dull,  It was never easy staying here somehow.  The same signs at each turn of every road, Like a silly game of catching the same lie.  And when the night pulls over its blanket,  I scream mad at the hollow of my life. I know i need to tell you what this is about,  Why the stir in my faceted demeanor,  Especially when i laughed at my own joke,  But maybe you don't really need to know.  I tend to my own wounds marked for nothing,  Ordinarily caught up in a moment of sorrow. And i close the windows to never let you see,  A face that was both broken and defeated by fate.  ----- 2016-09-20  @sg

I have always felt alone. No matter how many friends and family i surround myself with, at the end of the day, when i close my eyes, i feel the loneliness. It feels like a sickness that never left my system. There is no cure, only relief from pain that never really last. There is this missing piece that forms a hollow in my chest. I know that it can only be filled up by people but there seem to be no one in this world who would fit in. I also know that I can go on searching yet never find that anything that would satiate this void. A hopeless case. For a long time, i have questioned my fate. Questioned it as if getting the answers would change it. In all my efforts, i have come to the realization that there needs no reason nor purpose for my predicament. Loneliness is really just a part of who i am, perhaps of everyone. It is no more rare than happiness, or sadness or anger or hope. It cannot be cured for it is not an ailment. Maybe it is simply that i am more sensitive to it...

What have i left to give to this world But my sadness, fear and insecurities? And my fake smiles, and my fake laughs? For i am not worth a second, nor a thought. Do i not have the right to seek in death, What life has so long denied of me? Grant me this last selfish act, And i will consume no more of this world. ----- 2015-08-26 1041H @sg

clowns. what do they represent? --- clowns have always been scary for me. i don't really have any bad experiences with them when i was younger. quite frankly, i never really have that much chance to meet them. yet, i can still get terrified with them. subconsiously, it might not be how they look like or how they act that scares me. it's what they represent. --- when you see a clown, you see exaggerated features of happy or sad faces. to most children both the sad and happy clowns are still funny. the faces clearly express their intended emotion. the really pale makeup excessively enhances the already large smiling or pouting lips and subtly hides the eyes. it is a mask. the clown wears a mask that hides the true disposition of the person. the clown may look happy or sad but you have no idea what he might be feeling. quite an effective mask. it is, however, a different kind of mask. for other masks just hides the face and the emotions behind. they are mostly ne...

On the day of hearts, when love seemed drunk with passion, lonely hearts gets lonelier. It is like a double-edged sword that could pierce straight through the heart. No matter how much some would insist that it is just like any other day, with a lot of people acting differently and the sheer amount of publicity – this is definitely not just an ordinary day. It’s a day that most people celebrate their love and luck at finding their partners. The way they ‘found’ each other is probably as varied as the number of stars that litter the sky tonight. And with how many factors that could be attributed to these meetings, it is mostly due to luck. Or, to make the description better (although equally as vague), it is mostly due to chance. It’s probably just a waste of time trying to answer the questions how and why one finds a match in this world. By the time that is answered, we probably have found the answers to the many other unanswered questions about life. Even so, there are still ...

Life is full of twists and turns, with too much change and too little permanence, and too unpredictable. Just when you thought you’ve figured it all out, the world turns upside down. Just when you’ve readied yourself for changes about to come, it settles down and quiets itself. It makes planning your life both skill and luck. What makes living in this world quite interesting is that even if you don’t have any choice where and how you start out, you’ll never be quite sure where you’ll end up. No one, obviously, had any choice whose parents they will be born from. You weren’t allowed to choose which country to be born at, or what time or which conditions. We were just brought here, into this world by some universal scheme that could be attributed to combination of exchange of genes, chance encounters, long-winded decisions; and for some people, divine intervention. Whether you want it or not, or whether it was due to some accidental online dating or arranged marriage, you were b...